The DOs of Child-Directed Play
Describe Appropriate Behavior – Observe what your child is doing and act as a sports commentator by simply describing what you see. This allows the child to lead, shows you are interested, and motivates your child. You are modeling speech and expanding his or her knowledge and vocabulary. This also provides the opportunity for children to review concepts and “teach” you!
Imitate Appropriate Play – In order for you to imitate the child must first “do.” This step demonstrates approval of child’s choice of play, shows your child you are involved, and teaches your child to play with others. Children will repeat appropriate behavior when they are noticed and given attention for it.
Reflect Appropriate Talk – Allow your child to initiate conversation. If he is quiet, he may be forming ideas about what to try next. Show your child you are interested by accepting and understanding. This will improve your child’s speech and increase both verbal and nonverbal communication.
Praise Appropriate Behavior – Good behavior that is praised will increase! By praising your child you are telling her what you like while increasing her self-esteem. This adds warmth to your relationship, and makes both parent and child feel good.
Ignore Inappropriate Behavior – Children act out for attention, even if it is negative attention. Some misbehavior can be decreased through ignoring. Children will learn to discriminate between things you like and don’t like based on the level of attention they receive. Safety concerns should never be ignored, but inappropriate behavior such as temper tantrums can and should be ignored as consistently as possible.
The DON’Ts of Child-Directed Play
Don’t Give Commands – This does not allow the child to lead play activities. Children may throw tantrums, and too many commands can cause unpleasant interruptions for both parent and child. This will limit your child’s creativity and imagination.
Don’t Ask Questions – This leads the conversation instead of following. Many of your questions may actually mask commands or require a specific response. It may seem like you are not listening or disagree with the child.
Don’t Criticize – There is no right way to play, it’s about the process. Criticism may cause your child to shut down and lower his self-esteem. It usually doesn’t work to decrease bad behaviors and may even accomplish the opposite of what you want by increasing the criticized behaviors. Overall, criticism creates an unpleasant situation for you and the child.
